Church of St. Anthony of Padua in New York City

The first week in January I was on a rare trip to New York City. While I love New York, I can find it a little overwhelming. On a break from the gathering I was attending, I slipped into the St. Anthony of Padua church around the corner from the meeting space. I love that their doors were open on a weekday! As I sat down, the silence was a relief. Just a few other people sat in the pews. I looked ahead, and the poinsettias were still massed at the front. I closed my eyes with the image of the flowers in my mind, and prepared to pray for a few minutes.

Then I heard a rustling sound. I looked up again, and there was the custodian with a plastic trash bag. He began picking up the poinsettia plants one by one and dumping them in the bag. I was disappointed and annoyed—my quiet time was disturbed, he was tearing down the beauty I had appreciated, and he was throwing away plants!

I got over my inner mini-tantrum, and stopped for a moment. The question came to me: what do you need to let go of? Fear was the instant answer. My husband and I are facing the unknown right now as he experiences a job layoff after many years. I’ve been discerning where to take my work teaching and coaching pastors. Letting go of fear is something I need to do every day through this time.

The disruption and loss which generate fear can be necessary and even life-giving. Dealing with change and loss is a constant part of human experience. It’s never easy, but being overcome by fear, or simply resisting and complaining take a tremendous amount of energy which we could put into more creative pursuits.

The disruption and loss which generate fear can be necessary and even life-giving. Dealing with change and loss is a constant part of human experience. It’s never easy, but being overcome by fear, or simply resisting and complaining take a tremendous amount of energy which we could put into more creative pursuits.

This movement is part of life. There’s an inevitable pruning that happens. It makes room for the new. As we move through the church year, we don’t want poinsettias in the church when Lent begins. They would get in the way and distract us from the work of preparation for Easter.

It happens through the life cycle as well as through the church year. My father is 95 years old, and his life is not the same as when he was younger. He does miss his old life. He often says he wishes he were still working—yes, really! He was in sales and loved the stimulation and challenge of that work. At the same time, he recognizes having care and regular meals and a roof over his head are all blessings in his life. He said to me just last week, quite sincerely, “It’s better than being on the street!” I’ve learned a lot from him about dealing with the losses of living to a great age, and the courage it takes to face them. I have a good example in my call to let go of the fear of change in 2019.

You may intentionally let go of something in your life. Or you may be let go by others, from a job, in a relationship, or by any change around you. Either way you will have plenty of thoughts and emotions about the experience. Can you begin to notice them rather than simply being caught up in them? Writing (ideally by hand) is a great way to do this. You don’t even have to re-read what you are recording. The process itself helps you get a little distance from it.

Here are four questions to consider in the face of change and loss. Take a few minutes and jot down quick answers to these questions.

1. What am I called to let go of? Or, what is letting go of me?
2. What is the gift in this letting go?
3. What do I notice about my response to it?
4. How is God present with me as I walk through these days?

The Rev. Margaret Marcuson helps ministers do their work without wearing out or burning out, through ministry coaching, presentations and online resources.