Photograph by Diego Sulivan via Unsplash

Why do pastors have such a hard time giving grace to themselves? Here’s what I notice: the most responsible and hardworking pastors are the hardest on themselves. They are the least likely to give themselves a break. They never feel they are doing enough.

Many of us preach God’s grace but don’t apply it to ourselves. On some level, we feel we have to work hard to be acceptable to God. We are called to this ministry by God. That means giving it all we have. Sometimes we give more than we have. No wonder a recent survey found that about half of pastors have considered leaving their congregation or leaving ministry altogether since 2020.

This has less to do with our theology of grace than with emotional processes and patterns. Pastor, thy name is overfunctioner. What does that mean? There’s a balance between people who take too much responsibility and people who don’t take enough. It’s reciprocal. It takes two to keep it going. Most pastors tend to overfunction. They may get cranky that others don’t do enough, but they keep doing it. They feel responsible for the well-being of the congregation they serve, now more than ever. They feel responsible for ensuring its future. So, they work harder.

And let’s be honest. Church systems are set up for pastors to be overly responsible. The “priesthood of all believers” is aspirational, but it rarely happens in practice. A few lay leaders also carry the burden of responsibility. Others sit back and let them.

Remember, just because someone else thinks you are responsible for something doesn’t mean you are. Like getting people back post-Covid or ensuring the future of this congregation.

For leaders, clergy and lay, who are inclined to overfunction, consider a shift in your thinking. That shift is away from “I’m responsible for everything.” And to, “I’m responsible for myself and what’s needed 1) in my role 2) at this time.”

Try this: Prayerfully reflect on what your role is. Remember your role is not Savior—that one is taken. Do some writing about it. Then prayerfully reflect on what is needed in your role. Write some more, and see what jumps out as most important now.

You still have to work hard. Ministry in times like these is challenging. As you engage in this hard work, remember to offer to yourself the same grace and love you offer to others.

Give yourself a gold star, just for showing up. Pastoral ministry nowadays is no picnic. It never was, and it’s even harder now. Pastor Appreciation Month is October. But you can appreciate yourself and all you do any day of the year.